I count it every nite.

My plesure, my joy, and my happiness. I count them to thank for God.

My crime, my sin, and my guilt. I count them to sorry for God.

I count them every nite. After brush my theet, use my night cream, and wear my pajamas. I lay on my bed, turn on my MP3 player, listen to my favorite music, and then I close my eyes...

In the dark I can see what i've done in all day long. What I see, what I said, and where I go. Is it usefull, or maybe useless. Am I did something right, or fatal move. After that I usually say Alhamdulillah with my sweetest smile. Very thankfull to God.

Close my eyes, praying, and then sleeping...

And tonight I start to think. Think in the same way.. In front of my computer, try to throw my stress away.
In the dark, I can see all my crime, my sin, and my guilt. There's no happiness, no goodness.

I awake and wise up. Saying Astagfirullah hul adzim. Three times. I mirrored, to see my face. That face has sad expression, guilty expression.. The tears flow on my cheek.

Who are you ? Who are you, face in the mirror ? You not me !
Who changes your sweetest smile in to a tears...
Is this moment my fault, or them ?
Am I have to taste this feel,
or I should not to feel this...

More and more question every nite !

Why sorrow always come in the last ?
why...

I gulp some water. Try to calm down my mind. Say Astagfirullah again.
I don't wanna feel this anymore !

Pictured my day on my mind. There so many laugh, gigle, but my heart still empty.
Waitting for something..

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?